


Lost On Different Skies

by evelinaonline



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Ben Hargreeves Deserves Better, Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Ben Hargreeves is Dead, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Ghost Ben Hargreeves, Good Brother Klaus Hargreeves, No Incest, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, all i know is im exhausted and that yall are thirtsy for angst, idk what else to tag this as, no beta we die like ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-23 07:03:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,384
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20004262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evelinaonline/pseuds/evelinaonline
Summary: The first time Ben sees Five cry, he's a fifty-eight-year-old man stuck in his teenage body.





	Lost On Different Skies

**Author's Note:**

> NO BETA, WE DIE LIKE BEN.
> 
> Yeah, I kNOW I have to update "Things That We Got Wrong", but I can expLAIN- I was on vacation for the past week, and couldn't really write anything, so the last chapter will be posted next week.
> 
> In the meantime, have some angsty Five and Ben (and Klaus, obviously) content that you didn't ask for, but are gonna receive anyway!

Being dead wasn't something Ben ever thought he'd have to get used to.

His brother may had been called The Séance, but that still didn't make him a reliable source of information about the subject — not that Ben would ever ask him about what it was like, especially considering Klaus did everything in his power to _avoid_ his powers.

And why ask about death when you're not prepared to die?

Turns out, Ben wouldn't have minded the heads-up. He hated being dead. It was lonely and scary, and so very cold. He was forced to look at his old life go on without him, unable to intervene or interact with it.

Until Klaus saw him.

Ben was surprised, really. He had scratched out the possibility of talking with his brother since day one, as Klaus had turned to alcohol and drugs to block his powers. Yet somehow, Ben surpassed these boundaries — or rather, Klaus did. Maybe even both of them.

Eventually, Ben got used to being dead. Sure, he couldn't smack Klaus upside the head whenever he came up with a terrible joke, but at least he could talk to him.

Getting used to being mourned though? That was what hurt the most.

He remembered the silence inside the walls of the Academy, even when they were all dismissed from training. He remembered the way Luther and Diego and Allison fought. He remembered how Klaus almost got alcohol poisoning when he chunked an entire bottle of their dad's finest rum, and the quiet sobs Vanya let go of during the night. Even their mom seemed unphased. Empty.

Sometimes when Klaus would fall asleep and Ben would stay all by himself in whatever park his brother had passed out at, he'd think back to everything that happened and have his heart broken all over again. It was ironic, how he encouraged Klaus to sleep and take care of himself, yet all he wanted was for him and his stupid jokes to wake up again and distract him.

Weeks passed. Then months, and years. And Ben was still there, next to Klaus, no matter the situation. It was just the two of them now, occasionally coming across Diego, and meeting up with everyone at Allison's wedding — in which Ben totally didn't cry at — but other than that, it was just them. Ben and Klaus.

And then their dad died.

Ben couldn't understand why he was upset. Reginald Hargreeves was a terrible man. He couldn't remember the last time he saw his dad smile, genuinely smile, and that kind of scared him.

Maybe this was why Ben was upset — he was sad of not being sad. Why couldn't he just have grown up in a normal house, away from all this mess? Maybe then he would have actually gone to a normal school, made friends, got an actual job… Yet there he was at his dad's funeral, back at the place that started it all, to start it all again.

Quite literally.

Ben shouldn't have been surprised that their first family meeting resulted in a fight. He shouldn't have been surprised that _Luther_ was the cause of said fight. Kind of. It was complicated.

So while everyone stormed off to do whatever it was they wanted to do, Klaus made his way back in the living room, trying to summon Dad. And dropping his ashes to the floor. The panic in the siblings' eyes was mutual, and by some sort of miracle, Klaus cleaned it up before Diego entered the room.

So they fled to the basement, Klaus taking his pills, much to Ben's dismay, and hesitantly dancing to the faint melody of one of Luther's discs.

Of course the moment didn't last long. It was as if the universe was mocking them, having a thuderstorm break out the moment the beat dropped, and apperantly acting as a magnet, pulling all metals towards the yard.

Ben did not appreciate those knives flying through his body at all.

So to the yard they went, and so did their brother Five.

Five, who had been gone for 17 years. Five, who claimed he was 58 years old. Five, who did not age a bit.

And Ben was a spectator again.

Ben genuinely didn't know how to feel. He couldn't even begin to describe it. Was he glad that Five was okay? Obviously yes. He'd spend so many years trying to come into contact with him in the afterlife, worrying he became one of those ghosts that had lost themselves.

As confusing as time travel was, it explained a lot.

Five had always been a bit of a loner — though Ben wouldn't really call it being a _loner;_ it was more like an endless ' _I'm better than you!'_ solo act — but he seemed unusually distant.

Ben knew Five. They had been relatively close as kids, and that said a lot, considering Vanya was the only person Ben would dare talk to. Five was Vanya's best friend though, so the three of them often found themselves hanging out together.

It wasn't that Ben didn't like Five. He even looked up to him. Yet sometimes, it was hard to ignore the fact that Five looked down on Ben, or at least that's what it felt like, for the most part.

It was the little things, really. Ben would read a book, Five would have already read it. Ben would excel at a subject, Five would have done so months ago. Ben would hang out with his friend, Five would be said friend's _best_ friend. Ben didn't even want to put their powers on that scale.

How do you make friends with someone who knows is better than you?

Regardless, Ben could tell Five was acting differently. As if he was hiding something.

All this was explained when the concept of the apocalypse surfaced, and although Ben was dead, he had never been more terrified.

Of course, it was a bit hard to focus on it when Klaus' life was falling apart, and at this point, Klaus meant more than anything else to Ben.

So he watched as his brother stepped out of the _Stopping the End of the World Operation_ to get sober, of all things.

And Ben? Ben was okay with that.

If he were honest, he was looking forward to meeting Dave. He had only known about him for a few hours, but Klaus had sworn to him he was going to like him — no, _love_ him — and Ben trusted him.

But as always, one thing led to another, and they found themselves chasing Luther — who was high, by the way — in a rave. Oh, and Klaus died. Waiting for him to come back were the most painful seven minutes of Ben's entire life.

What else could they do but walk away?

Apparently, save their sister Allison. Ben could have sworn another part of him died when he saw her on the floor, choking in her own puddle of blood. At least this time, he wasn't the only one.

When he saw Klaus turn to drugs again, that was it for Ben.

Something in him snapped when he tried to punch him. But it _worked_.

And Ben was tired.

He sighed deeply, sitting on Klaus' bed next to him.

"What the hell is going on?"

He didn't even remember asking the question, yet it made Klaus shake his head, so he must have.

"I have no idea, man," Klaus said, looking at him. "At this point, I'm just going along with it."

"Tell me about it," Ben mumbled.

"I just want it to end, Benny." The way Klaus' eyes pleaded for a way out of this mess made Ben's heart ache. He couldn't tell if it was his imagination or if he had physically felt the pain. There was no telling anymore. "I just-"

" _Guys, living room meeting!"_

Ben would have dropped dead on the spot if he could.

Doing everything in his power to suppress a groan, he stood up. "Come on," he said and gestured at Klaus to do the same.

It didn't take long for their way to the living room to be interrupted though. Just like everything else these past few days, things always took a turn towards the unexpected. It was Klaus who noticed the strange noise coming from Five's room, so they changed routes and headed upstairs again.

The door was just slightly open, something very unlike Five's character. The two siblings took a quick glance at each other before Klaus headed for the handle. "Five?" He didn't wait for an answer.

Klaus pushed the door open, letting him and Ben in, causing Five to flinch. He was sitting on his bed, cowering, his legs firmly pressed together, and his arms crossed, not in that cocky way of his, but more as if he was hugging himself. Upon further notice, his face did look more withered than before, and if Ben didn't know any better, he would have assumed Five had been-

"Have you been crying?" Klaus asked the question for him. He closed the door, approaching Five, and stopping when the smaller of the two got defensive. "Fivey, it's okay," Klaus said, sitting on the floor in front of him. "What's wrong?"

Five sniffled.

So he had been crying indeed.

"The others called a family meeting, we should-"

"Screw the family meeting," Klaus interrupted him. Five's voice was close to cracking, silent like a whisper, overpowered by Klaus'. "You've been quiet long enough. Spill it."

"Go easy on him," Ben said, but knew his comment would be dismissed anyway. Five had Klaus' undivided attention; it was a good thing. Klaus was doing well.

"It's not important," Five said, avoiding to look at Klaus. "We should-"

"Five."

"The others-"

"Five."

"They're-"

" _Five._ " Klaus finally got his attention with that last one, silencing him. Ben was leaning against the wall behind Klaus, looking at the whole thing take place. He could count the times he had gotten Five to open up with his fingers, and he was fairly impressed by the way Klaus was handling the situation.

Then again, Klaus was full of surprises, and it wouldn't be the first time he had gotten someone to spill the beans about their feelings. Ben was the embodiment of such proof.

"I was so scared that Allie wouldn't make it," Five finally said. There was something about using Allison's nickname that made him seem just like a child with no place in the world again. It was almost as if nothing had changed. "After all that we went through to protect everyone, it's just… It felt like a lost cause. And Allison, she's _Allison._ It wouldn't be the same without her."

"But that's not all, is it?" Klaus voiced Ben's thoughts again. Five did seem deeply concerned about Allison in his own way, but there was no hiding the fact that something else was bothering him. Five was the last person to cry because of an injury, no matter how deadly it was.

"I didn't expect him to be dead."

It was as if Ben's entire world had been swept away from under his feet.

"Are you talking about-"

"When I didn't find a body in the apocalypse," Five interrupted, not letting Klaus say his name, "at first I assumed he had been buried under the ground or something. Everything had collapsed and-"

Five paused, taking a deep breath. Ben did the same, unable to take his eyes off Five.

"I found Vanya's book. I read about what happened," Five continued. He had started to give in, his voice slowly becoming more and more forced. "It didn't hit me until I saw it for myself that-"

"Yeah," Klaus stopped him. "I know."

"I basically doomed myself when I left the academy that day," Five said. "I just never expected anyone else to do the same, especially not _Ben._ "

Ben hadn't realised he was holding a breath in — an unneeded breath — until he let out a soft gasp, immediately covering his mouth. Out of all the things that could have been wrong, this was the last one Ben would have ever imagined.

"We would have already figured this shit out if he were here." Five had tears running down his cheeks now, not bothered to hold them back. "He was smart- He was so smart, Klaus. And I doubted him _all the time._ You have no idea how terribly we treated him, me and Vanya. He just wanted to- He was _scared_."

"Believe me, I'd know," Klaus said, and although Ben couldn't see his face, he knew there was a smile decorating it. A smile of sorrow and bitterness.

Ben did not know how to feel. It was as if he was empty, but filled with all kinds of emotions at the same time. His chest hurt, his eyes hurt — just when did he start crying — and his hands were shaky, trembling.

He'd spend so many years of his life longing for a place at Five and Vanya's safe bubble, knowing very well that neither of them, especially Five, had no intention of letting him in, no intention of understanding his feelings, only to find out he had been _wrong_.

He had been wrong about everything, and now it was too late to make it up.

"Did you ever…" Five wiped a few tears off his face with his sleeve. "You know."

It was then that Klaus turned around and actually saw Ben. Ben who was a mess, Ben who was dead, Ben who was sobbing.

Ben shook his head, and Klaus nodded, turning back at Five. "He's not mad at you," he said, avoiding the question.

Five tilted his head in confusion. "How do you-"

"And he's sorry too," Klaus said, and Five bit his lip so hard it looked as if was going to bleed. "Don't be so hard on your-"

Five launched himself into Klaus' arms, letting out the most desperate sob Ben had ever heard in his life. Klaus wrapped his arms around him, whispering into his ear, rubbing circles on his back and running his fingers through his hair.

Just at the other side of the room, Ben was cuddled up in himself, and couldn't help but long for Five's spot once more.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun Fact: This was the first story I ever wrote for The Umbrella Academy!
> 
> Looking back to it, I do think I could have done a better job with the climax of it. It looks a bit OOC for Five to break down like that, but if I wasn't so invested in the whole "Ben watches helplessly as his brother breaks down over him" concept, I could have explained Five's emotions through his point of view.
> 
> Anyhow, I hope your heart is still attached, because next week is gonna be a wreck-
> 
> Leave kudos and comment if you enjoyed — thank you so much for reading!!


End file.
